Achi news desk-
SEAN ‘Diddy’ Combs is facing serious charges including hosting ‘sex trafficking parties’. But was there already room to suspect that he might not be a staunch defender of women?
‘Suck it until your hymen pops’
The track Swagga Like Puff contains this strange instruction. We’re pretty sure that sucking a penis has a negligible effect on a woman’s internal body weight, and it wouldn’t affect their brain anyway, assuming they have one. Besides being weird and horrible, it suggests that Diddy would make a terrible scientist and an even worse gynecologist.
I Need A Girl (For Bella)
This wonderful tune includes the lyrics ‘How I wish my wife could be you’. Before you get too excited about the sound of wedding bells, ladies, it turns out that Diddy’s wife will be expected to ‘bail me, sell me’ and, worst case scenario, ‘go sit in a chair that will fry for me’. Old Sparky would at least end your relationship with a narcissistic belle who fantasizes about you dying horribly for them.
Diddy is the best person in the world for sex
During the 2008 Olympics, a female journalist asked Sean what sport he would excel at. ‘Who could have sex the longest … and probably who could stay up the longest,’ he said, adding, ‘That’s supposed to be funny. Although I’m serious.’ This has got to be the least cool attempt at conversation ever, but there’s no point talking yourself out of a sig, right guys?
The current lawsuit
Strangely, Diddy is being sued by male music producer Lil Rod, who claims he sexually assaulted him and forced him to have sex with prostitutes. It’s hard right now to imagine exactly what happened, but it sounds suspiciously like…
All other legal proceedings
In 2023 Diddy’s ex-Gassie Ventura received a financial settlement after describing a ‘cycle of abuse, violence and sex trafficking’ that lasted a decade. In particular, she claimed he made her have sex with male prostitutes while he watched, filmed and rod. Diddy at the moment faces three other lawsuits alleging combinations of rape, violence and drugging women, all of which he denies. What terrible bad luck for Diddy to have met so many vengeful fantasists.
‘I have Asian girls who will change my underwear after I fire and hit ’em’
The unimaginative track Diddy included this line until Mr Combs deleted it after accusations of racial stereotyping. Well, yes. Does any rapper ever refer to Asian people outside of the context of chop suey and Chinese laundries? It’s also a little annoying that a rap megastar sounds like your racist uncle Trevor who still thinks Chinese restaurants serve local cats.
Sweatshops
‘Oh God, he doesn’t make his girlfriends work in sweatshops, does he?’ you’re probably thinking by now. No, but it emerged that female workers making Sean John Diddy’s clothing line in sweatshops in Honduras were subjected to strip searches, ‘involuntary pregnancy tests’ and other appalling working conditions. To be fair, Diddy’s people investigated and the workers now have a union and better conditions, so even though Diddy may have ‘problems’ with women, he at least allows them access to drinking water.
