Achi news desk-
Hi Haya,
About three years have passed since I arrived in England for higher studies. While I graduated last year and started working after graduation, I feel really lonely now, as I have been alone since I landed here.
Even though I have a weekday job, the weekends feel pretty dreary. I miss my family and friends in Pakistan a lot, especially during festive seasons.
It’s been a while but I find it challenging to overcome the sinking feeling of not being able to see my loved ones all the time. How do I deal with this feeling? please help
– Gola gets hard
Dear Harding Sphere,
Living in a foreign country and feeling lonely when you are away from home, away from your loved ones, especially during significant events, can be difficult and challenging and brings its own sets of challenges.
Adaptation can take some time and is a common experience that many people face, especially when adjusting to a new environment.
Let’s take a look at how we can help you deal with these feelings of loneliness.
I hear a sense of pressure on yourself that you don’t feel like not missing them since it’s been a while since you moved.
Who said matching has any timeline? What would it be like for you to acknowledge how you feel and allow yourself to miss them versus pressuring yourself to feel differently.
I see that one of your core human needs of love and connection is not being met.
And while your family and friends are not there, and no one can replace them, what other ways can you meet that need?
Maybe you could use your weekends with the intention of making a connection.
What are the ways you can do this?
Consider joining activities that interest you (whether it’s a hobby, exercise class, book club, art therapy, etc.) that can connect you with like-minded people, connect with people from your university or your community who are experiencing similar struggles.
Building relationships and creating connections and support systems in your current environment can help combat loneliness. Additionally, try to stay connected with your family and friends through technology and encourage them to visit you if that’s an option.
I encourage you to create meaningful routines during the weekend. Build your weekends around things that bring you joy and fulfillment. Having a routine can give you a sense of purpose and prevent feelings of aimlessness.
Additionally, cultivate a sense of gratitude for where you are in life right now. While it’s natural to miss your friends and family, look at all the positive aspects of your situation. Possibility and ability to pursue higher studies and work abroad. Practicing gratitude can change your perspective and promote feelings of contentment.
Moving forward, if you know that holiday seasons are difficult for you, you may be able to use your annual leaves to spend time at home with family and friends during these times.
Identify what your needs are and find ways on how you can meet your needs in the ways that work best for you.
Last but not least, I invite you to move from helplessness to ownership.
Helplessness is a state of mind and so is ownership. We can be a victim of our lives and live in reservoirs of depression and helplessness or we can actively recognize where we are in life and create a life of joy around that.
Both are difficult and both are choices. Choose your difficulty.
After doing all of the above, if you still feel like you can’t deal with how you’re feeling, consider seeking professional help from a therapist who can assist you on your journey.
Successfully!
Chaya Malik is a psychotherapist, neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) practitioner, corporate well-being strategist and trainer with expertise in creating organizational cultures that focus on well-being and raising awareness around mental health.
Send her your questions [email protected]
Note: The above advice and opinions are the author’s and specific to the query. We strongly recommend our readers to consult relevant experts or professionals for personalized advice and solutions. The author and Geo.tv bear no responsibility whatsoever for the consequences of actions taken based on the information provided here. All published excerpts are subject to editing to improve grammar and clarity.
