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You can have more than one friend at a time. You can love several family members equally.

So what’s the difference if you’re in a meaningful, consensual romantic relationship with more than one person at once? That’s the general philosophy behind polyamorous relationships, and a new report says they’re on the rise.

Steph Davidson, 41, who is public in Toronto, said not only is she seeing more multi-colored people in her circles and on dating apps, but there is a wider social acceptance and understanding.

“My friends, when I first started dating someone who wasn’t monogamous, their immediate instinct was ‘you deserve someone,'” Davidson told CBC News. “And now they’re like, ‘I’m really happy for you, and this seems like a great fit for who you are and the way you live.'”

Polyamory is an intentional relationship structure where everyone can have as many romantic partners as they want, according to Egale Canada, a 2SLGBTQ+ advocacy organization. Everyone involved has knowledge and consent, and people can live with one partner, multiple partners or no partners, explains the Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association.

It is a form of consensual monogamy and one of the growing types of diverse families in Canada, notes a report by the Vanier Family Foundation released last week.

The national independent think tank, dedicated to understanding families and family life in Canada, cites a 2019 study by the Journal of Sex Research which says that about one in five people in this country have practiced consensual non-monogamy.

The Vanier Institute also notes that people who identify as 2SLGBTQ+ are more likely to have practiced consensual non-monogamy than people who identify as heterosexual. That is echoed by Egale Canada, which explains that people in polygamous relationships “are free to express their sexuality regardless of gender.”

Davidson, who is multi-talented, has had an anchor partner for just under two years. (She prefers the term anchor to primary, which implies hierarchy). They do not live together. In addition, she has several other relationships of different styles and depth.

Davidson identifies as queer, and while her anchor relationship is with a man, some of her other partners are women or non-binary. She said she currently has four partners, which includes her anchor, who also has multiple partners.

“There are different styles of polyamory. “My partner and I tend to get to know each other’s partners, we establish relationships with other people in their lives and spend time together, but that’s not mandatory,” he says.

“It’s what works for everyone involved and what’s comfortable for everyone.”

‘data gap’

Despite the rise in popularity, there is a “data gap” on polyamorous relationships because they are not included in the census, the Vanier Institute notes, and research is scarce. He says further research is needed to “strengthen understanding of multiracial families and ensure they are included in laws and policies.”

Although polyamory is different from open marriage – another type of consensual monogamy that generally involves a couple who are primarily committed to each other, with sex permitted outside of that relationship – research open marriage gives an insight into attitudes about relationships outside of a traditional partnership.

In 2023, the Pew Research Center in the United States found that 33 percent of adults surveyed said open marriages were “acceptable.” That proportion increased to 75 percent among 2SLGBTQ+ respondents (versus 29 percent among those who identified as straight).

The findings are based on a sample of 5,073 US respondents, with a margin of error of plus or minus 1.7 percentage points

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The Vanier Institute explains that polyamory relationships are diverse, with some focusing on “long-term, committed relationships with two or more people, while others have a mix of short-term and long-term relationships with varying degrees of intimacy and commitment. “

It’s an honest and open relationship style, and communication is key, says Davidson.

“No one tries to pull one over on their partners. True polyamory is not about hiding things and not about cheating.”

Polyamory is also different from polygamy, where someone is married to multiple people, which is illegal in Canada and sometimes associated with religion.

The law assumes that there are 2 people in a relationship

But while polyamory may be on the rise, Canadian law does not recognize intimate relationships between more than two people, the Vanier Institute explains, and this leaves people to “navigate and interact with systems and institutions that were not designed to support them.”

The laws are responding to social trends and changes, such as adapting to the increase in common-law marriages, but there are still significant delays, said John-Paul Boyd, a Calgary family lawyer and former executive director of Research Canada. The Law and Family Foundation, which published its own research on pluralism in 2017.

“If there is anything in society that reflects the assumption of the dyadic relationship, it is the law,” he said. “There is an inherent, specific and implicit assumption that relationships only come in pairs.”

That’s true of all aspects of the law, whether you’re looking at the Canada Pension Plan, how employment insurance benefits are calculated or who you can name as your beneficiary for health benefits and dental, Boyd said.

And only people who meet the legal definition of a spouse or common-law partner are entitled to property rights or to request spousal support, he said. (Some states, such as British Columbia, have amended their laws to give common-law partners the same property rights as married couples.)

Then there’s the matter of how many guardians a child of people in a polyamorous relationship can have, which also varies by state, Boyd said. But some recent cases have helped expand the law.

In 2018, three unmarried adults in Newfoundland and Labrador were declared the legal parents of a child born into their polyamorous family — a legal first in Canada, CBC News reported. Then in 2021, a BC Supreme Court judge ordered that all three members of a polyamorous trio be registered as the parents of the boy they were raising together as a family.

“Frankly, the legislature did not consider multiracial families,” Justice Sandra Wilkinson said in the decision.

There have also been some recent legal gains in Latin America, where polyamory is reported to be on the rise. In 2017, three men in Medellín, Colombia, became the country’s first legally recognized polyamorous family. In 2022, a judge in Buenos Aires, Argentina, issued a legal ruling allowing a child born in a polygamous relationship to have two fathers and one mother.

That same year, a judge in Mexico said he could “find no constitutional reason why marriage should only be between two partners,” according to a report in Mexico News Daily.

Planning and consent

Boyd said he is also seeing an increase in polyamorous relationships, and the fact that there are sometimes legal complications for those involved is important but usually not enough to stop a relationship from moving forward.

That’s because most people involved in long-term polyamorous relationships have already talked about how their relationship will work, she says, including the expectations, arrangements and legal consequences.

Honesty and informed consent are essential to these relationships, where there aren’t the same kinds of societal assumptions found with a traditional couple, Boyd said.

“I frankly wish more people entering dyadic relationships had that kind of discussion,” he said.

Steph Davidson said open communication was central to making her relationships work.

“We’re all trying to create a relationship style that works for us and doesn’t hurt other people.”

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