Achi news desk-
AARON Taylor-Johnson will probably be the next James Bond. But do the talented with industry connections have what it takes to be 007? The Daily Mail is investigating.
James Bond is the coolest character in the history of fiction. When he’s not killing henchmen with naff gadgets he’s being pedantic about his martini. It’s no wonder that women want to be with him and men also secretly want to be with him.
A cool character needs to be played by a cool actor. Who could forget Sean Connery, Roger Moore, and that guy who only made one movie? Unfortunately, Hollywood seems to have missed the memo by casting a beta cuck who grows his own kale and thinks feminism exists.
Even worse: Aaron Taylor-Johnson is a married house husband who is clearly working out. In other words, he might be a little too gay for the role. Clearly his marriage is a smoke screen and he would rather deal with Blofeld than get his leg over Pussy Galore.
Imagine the scene in the next Bond film. A mad scientist is about to trigger a nuclear war with a satellite rigged with a bomb. The clock is ticking and there are only seconds left to save the world from total destruction. But all 007 can think about is the decoration in the volcano floor.
Meanwhile, Sydney Sweeney will be pinned to a nearby wall with the all-important self-destruct button hidden in her thong. If only James Bond could use his trusty heterosexual male libido the day would be saved. Instead, audiences can expect Taylor-Johnson to deliver a dull man-hating equality lecture Barbie.
One thing is certain, with four daughters at home to worry about, his mind will not be in the job. Rather than unzipping cocktail dresses with his watch, Taylor-Johnson will think of the trip to school and his wife of 24 YEARS his senior as a shadow of masculinity.
Either way, the real James Bond should be played by a swaggering, charismatic lothario like Idris Elba or Donald Glover. If Pinewood Studios can come up with a white version of them then they will be onto a winner.
