Except translation, this story has not been edited by achinews staff and is published from a syndicated feed.
2 hours agoAuthor: Shaili Acharya
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Imagine, it’s Sunday and you feel like going to the theater and watching a movie. You ask your friend to go with you. But he rejects you saying, ‘I don’t feel like that today, we’ll go some other time.’
You may wonder what is so strange about this? The strange thing is that last week when your friend wanted to go to the mall, even though he wasn’t in the mood, you went with him because you didn’t want to persuade your friend. Last weekend you were doing the moving work at a friend’s house, while your own important work was pending.
What this means is that you are available for your friend’s every need and want, but he is not. Can you relate to this story? If yes, then you are becoming a victim of manipulation.
today’relationship‘In this column we will talk about the manipulation that happens in friendship. How can you tell if you are being treated in a friendship? You will also learn that-
- How can you avoid manipulation?
- How to learn to say ‘No’ sometimes in friendship?
What is treatment?
Manipulation is an English word, which means controlling someone else for your benefit. Although it happens that by manipulating others, we can get whatever we want and follow our own interests, but it is also very dangerous.
The psychologists George H. Green and Caroline Cotter write in their book ‘Stop Being Manipulated’ that it has a very bad effect on the mental health of the person being manipulated. But at the same time, treating others is just as dangerous to mental health.
How to spot signs of manipulation in a friendship
Many times we get so engrossed in a friendship that we don’t understand that we are being manipulated. A friend can manipulate you to get things done, they can force you to agree to their wishes, they can control you.
Gaslighting can lead to a rift in friendship
The psychoanalyst and author Dr. Robin Stern has written a book on manipulation, ‘The Gaslight Effect.’ In this she explains how to recognize covert manipulation. How to avoid falling under his control. First of all, know what gaslighting is in any relationship or friendship.
What is gaslight?
Gaslight does not mean using gaslight or turning on a light. What it really means is, ‘to manipulate someone, to change their thoughts.’ Make him believe something that is not true. The term was used for the first time by the English playwright and novelist Patrick Hamilton in his British thriller ‘Gas Light’. After this, a film was also made on it in 1944, where it was shown how a husband manipulates his wife to get rid of her. He raises questions about his mental health by telling him many lies.
Learn about gaslighting and its symptoms in the tips below-
- Gaslighting in friendship can be called a form of mental abuse. Here one person tries to change the other according to his thoughts and feelings, so that he can fulfill his interests.
- According to Dr. Robin Stern, gaslighting is a covert method of manipulation. It can also completely change your opinion.
- Some common symptoms of gaslighting can include talking negatively, trying to change memories, using a friend for your own good.
- A friend might say negative things to you, like ‘You can’t do anything or you always do it wrong.’
According to a 2020 study by the National Library of Medicine, if we don’t maintain healthy boundaries in relationships and continue to suffer treatment, it has a negative impact on our physical and mental health.
How to say ‘NO’ in friendship
How to deal when someone manipulates you
Many times some things seem bad to us, but we don’t understand how to oppose that thing. Either we tolerate everything calmly, still angry within or one day suddenly we become very angry.
Dr says Zafar Khan that both these behaviors are not healthy. It is also not right to tolerate or to remain silent. We should set healthy boundaries. For this we must have the right language. How it will be, understand from some examples given below-
If you don’t like someone’s behavior or feel you are being manipulated, then instead of being silent, getting angry, raising your voice, getting scared or nervous, say this –
- I didn’t like your behavior at all.
- Don’t ever talk to me in this language.
- I don’t allow anyone to speak to me in this language.
- I don’t think a good friend would ever speak in this language.
- Maybe you’re not a good friend.
- I don’t like that my ‘NO’ is not respected. If you are a friend then you should respect my feelings.
- It is not a matter of an hour. This is a precious hour, which I want to spend as I wish.
- Good friends never force anything. You don’t fit the definition of a good friend.
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(Except translation, this story has not been edited by achinews staff and is published from a syndicated feed.)
source link https://www.bhaskar.com/lifestyle/news/friends-manipulation-signs-dosti-133668883.html
